🔞 Pain unchained
This goes out as the first #SilentVoice shout out. The story is adapted, here and there, in order to protect the victim (no real names or actual places get disclosed).
The story is getting published upon 100% approval of the text by the affected person, under strict conditions of confidentiality. If, at all times, someone would like to share it, my approval is required, as I engage to protect each of the parties involved, no matter what.
In the same time, anyone who would like to become part of the campaign, in the means of providing support to the victim, is kindly asked to contact me privately, in order to get connected to the person.
“I used to be a regular girl, with a normal life, born and raised in a beautiful country. I liked to study and did my best to get good grades, as I had big plans for my life. Nonetheless, the year brought me nothing but failures… Hardships did not avoid me and my family, yet we wanted to overcome our status, therefore each member would work hard for this goal.
So I made up my mind to bring my contribution to supporting my family, by applying to a summer job, once school was over. I was really excited about what the near future would bring, as I successfully passed the interview and I was about to earn my first paycheck and make my parents proud, in the same time with building some self-confidence.
On the other hand, alike all teenagers these days, I was really fond of social media and making new friends, from different corners of the world. Another reason of being happy – after a few months, I could proudly say that I had a very good friend online, without even seeing each other in flesh. My friend used to “listen” to me and encourage me for the better.
One day, my online friend introduced me to a female friend and proposed me to go out with them and their friends, since we were all about to attend similar area of interest studies, but different institutions. As I have built trust with my online friend, there was nothing shorter than enthusiasm when I was asked to hang out. I would happily get ready, having my heart wrapped with joy for the upcoming celebration of my accomplishments.
This overwhelming enthusiasm made me overlook the voice in my head and that warning feeling in my heart. I just wanted to be happy for 1 night, before having the future greeting me.
I was ready pretty early and I couldn’t wait to have fun, so I went out before sunset. I would soon meet everyone, but I was more excited to seeing my online friend. Even though everyone behaved very nice, I was aware to not have anything put in my beverage glass. (I believe that finishing that bottle of beverage was what changed my life for good, that evening.) But I felt really good, so I kept on dancing and enjoying their company until the time to leave was there.
I was pretty sure that my friend would take me home, so I asked for the favor. To my surprise, I was turned down, so I had no other choice but walking, even though I had no idea where I was or how was I supposed to get home.
I can’t recall what happened in a blink of an eye, but the next thing I remember was myself in a car that stopped a few feet from an institution of law. When the car door opened, all I know is that I was pushed outside and merciless left there. I found my strength to get up, go inside and ask for assistance. Yet, instead of getting help, I was being mocked, because to my outfit. I would beg them to assist me for getting home safely, yet another round of laughter was what I received. I, then, begged them to let me sleep in an empty cell, just until the dawn of the new day would light my path, but they overlooked the importance of a scared youngster and didn’t care that my body could have made the next morning’s newspaper headline. Danger was of no importance to them. So I left, hoping to get home as soon as possible. (But now, I can’t keep myself from wondering: what if someone in their family would have been exposed as I was? Wouldn’t they have given a damn about it?)
I would soon arrive to a familiar neighborhood, fact that made me loosen up a bit, since my shelter was near. As I was taking my quick walk, some guy popped out of nowhere, asking me where was I going and if I would allow him to take me to destination, as it was very late, dark and my safety was at stake. I was very tired of walking, so I was happy to agree accompanying him to pick up his car, from his nearby place. We got there soon, but there was no car in the garage, yet a bunch of male friends of the “nice” guy, waiting for the pray to come.
That was the moment when my life took me from bad to worse. I felt my clothes reap and the cold cement I was lying on. As they took turns in stealing my most precious gift, while hurting me deeply, my brain zoomed out!
This was not the plan! The evening was supposed to be a happy one, as I was too smart and too strong for being violated like this! To be brutalized like this!
While I was being raped in turns and hurt with burning coal, my mind loved me enough to shift the focus to the COLD floor I was lying on. My brain shut down, in an attempt of protecting me from feeling that unchained pain.
When I woke up, while getting dressed, I could clearly hear those men discussing what was next, how, where and by which one. One of them was supposed to get rid of me, somewhere, in the middle of nowhere… As I was walking, my brain was planning the escape in detail. I still don’t know where I got the courage to break free from his grip and run back to the main road. While I was screaming for help, no car would stop and he was still chasing me. Despair was at its highest peak, when, out of the blue, a car finally stopped. There were a few guys inside and I was afraid to get in, but there was nothing left to lose. To my amazement, I was saved!
I went to a clinic, as soon as I could feel my feet again, but I was mocked again. The personnel there told me that it was impossible for someone to have several blackouts in 1 night. The forced penetration was a fact, but there was “something about my story that did not add up”, as I couldn’t remember every detail. (How could have I? The pain determined my brain to shut down! I thank God for that!)
As much as all of this hurts me ever since and my emotions are all over the place, I wish I could have those guys looking me straight into the eyes, while I’m asking them “Why me?”, “why did they do that to me?”
While I was getting punished for being a woman, I would cry, kick and even apologize for being in the wrong place, at the inappropriate moment. I would have done anything in my power to make them stop, yet they didn’t even hear me. They never stopped!
As for my online “friend”, I would have expected them to ask me how I was, the next day. But all I can think of is having been sold, in the most outrageous manner. I wonder if any of my actions determined him to not consider me as a human being and leaving me pray to danger.
The relationship with my family changed ever since this episode. I’ve been blamed for hurting them, I’ve been determined to feel dirty and to have my self-esteem stepped over without a remorse. My state of mind prevented me from carrying on with my previous plans and, due to lack of support, I lost count of suicide attempts.
My name is Akira and I am victim of physical abuse! I am not what happened to me, but I live it every day of my life, even though several years have passed.
Yes, I am a victim, but not for making people pity me, but because my virginity and innocence were brutally and painfully stripped off me! I am willing to do anything to get my life back! I want to go back to being happy and not scared of feeling dirty! I need closure, so that I can, actually, move on to another chapter of my life.
I wanted my story be told, in order to help others avoid going through the same pain as I did!”